The Beaver King, A Cautionary Tale of Medieval Dysfunction

For us to find the craven humor nestled within the world of Solipsia, we must first develop some deep character histories.

My name is simply “The Minstrelle.” I am many things. Wife of Baylon the Brave of Masondonia, a deeply wounded but resilient soul, and an ardent storyteller determined to keep memories alive thru song and jonquil message. In order serve my purpose for this story, I want to sing the last and final songs about King Robert, Second of His Name, and Lord of Beaverton. A vicious and manipulative Lord, one born into a life of deceit, treachery and emotional violence, not just to the poor Beavers of the Kingdom, but to any and all he meets. We have all had the misfortune to have dealings with one of his kind, so it is This Minstrelle’s hope that some will find solace, reassurance, or even a tickle to their dark side of humor with the Tales of The Beaver King, a Cautionary Tale of Medieval Dysfunction.

King Robert, Second of His name, Lord of Beaverton. “The Beaver King”

The Beaver King is in his early 50’s. He is of average height, with a thick set and soft well fed belly. He is not classically strong, but he is heavy with entitlement. This Minstrelle sees him more so as “Slouched Regality.” A man who sits more than he stands, and “rules” more than he works.

He keeps a a full dark beard streaked with gray. It is often grossly unkempt, but he views it as a sign of both age and authority. His cheeks are flushed and ruddy, his eyes small and expressive. They are profoundly capable of pouting, smug satisfaction and performative sorrow at will. He wears his crown slightly too comfortably, as if it belongs to him by divine accident and not just by luck of birth right.

His hands, once calloused from labor, are now soft, often clutching something indulgent. A dessert, a decree, or nothing at all.

King Robert favors royal robes that verge on costume. Rich fabrics, beaver trimmings, with gold accents. They are often ill-fitting or most impractical. His clothes attempt to project authority but reveal insecurity. Even when placed in rural or unusual settings, he insists on wearing his regalia.

He is petulant, manipulative, and deeply self important. He throws tantrums when challenged, sulks when ignored, and becomes smug when he has successfully pitted others against each other. He rules not thru strength and wisdom, but through emotional leverage, favoritism, and calculated sabotage. The Beaver King, above all else, is a pathological liar, though he would never recognize himself as such. His lies are constant, and effortless. They are not always for advantage, but for comfort. Truth to him is malleable, something to be reshaped moment to moment to suit his mood, his audience, or his immediate emotional needs. His falsehoods are often small, unnecessary and contradictory, yet delivered with absolute confidence. The best part for This Minstrelle, and those who serve as acquaintances can assume that the Kingdoms rumors are to be true that if The Beaver King is breathing, he is most certainly spinning falsehoods.

King Robert:

• Lies when the truth should easily suffice.
• Lies about events that others have clearly witnessed.
• Lies about his own words, sometimes moments after speaking them.
• Lies to appear victimized, benevolent, misunderstood, or wronged.
• Lies to maintain control of the narrative, not outcomes.

Many of his lies are not strategic, they are reflexive. When confronted, he does not double down logically, he reframes emotionally. He expresses confusion or offense, as tho the accusation itself is an act of war or cruelty. This often disarms others, forcing them into defense while he escapes scrutiny. This did not work on This Minstrelle, or her beloved Baylor the Brave, firstborn son of the Beaver King, and his Consort, Brystal. King Robert does not see himself as a liar. In his mind, he is misunderstood, others “remember it wrong,” or circumstances have changed. He is only “telling the truth.” This belief system allows him to lie without guilt, apology, or pause.

Disagreements with the Beaver King are not resolved, they are overwritten. Those closest to him are the most affected. Over time, they question their own recollections, relying on the Kings version of events, however plausible.

This Minstrelle hopes that this is enough to inform as well as educate you, the listener, as we proceed on with the rest of the ensemble cast.